I get fed when I work out in the gym or go running outside; I listen to Matt Chandler. His transparency is refreshing and his conviction, gripping, especially with these words:

The last hundred years of Chandler men have been pretty wicked. And everything from a guy getting hung because he robbed a train to everything from sexual abuse to physical abuse to emotional abuse, you can track it down over the last hundred years. And it’s created in me, issues. Self hate, lust, anger. It’s created in me, those things, and I seized the opportunity for those things. And so, every once and a while, I get hung up and I have to go get some help. That’s why I’m always telling you, “Man, you swallow up your pride and go. You don’t have a pastor that’s trying to wear the cape.” I wore the cape once, got shot in the chest, bleeding everywhere, alright. This don’t work! So, I ain’t wearing the cape, man.

Thirteen years, I’ve been following Jesus. And you know what? I’ve experienced a lot of freedom from my junk, but let me be completely, completely honest with you. Sometimes, I really still have to wrestle with it. So let me talk to you, because I’m trying to unpack what this is saying. And some of you are going to like it, and some of you aren’t going to, but if the gospel’s being veiled, it’s being veiled to those who are perishing is what 1 Corinthians says. So, let me say this to you. What if I have to struggle with and fight these things for the next 50 years? What if I never fully get whole, but my son does, because I fought? What if I have to plead with Christ in the middle of the night, what if I have to wrestle the dark things in me for the rest of my life, but my son doesn’t have to and neither does my daughter? Healing will be mine, on this side or the next. That’s not for me to decide. There’s no magic combination for me to scroll through to get there.

Source: Matt Chandler, Hebrews Part 17: “Faith” (4/30/2006), delivered at the Village Church.